Breanius™

Ok, before reading and thinking I'm just ranting, please, read these posts beforehand:
http://beautifulwastex.blogspot.com/2008/09/just-my-thoughts.html
http://beautifulwastex.blogspot.com/2008/11/yet-again.html


I've posted these here, because he never reads my blog, no matter the sentiment contained within.

Mike, I fuckin' hate you. I hate you with every bone in my body, every fiber of my being, every iota of my spirit and soul. I'm so sick of you hurting me, and acting like it's ok everytime it happens. I'm sick of giving my heart to you when you never wanted it in the first place, I'm sick of being here for you, when you'll never be here for me. I'm sick of crying over you, because knowing you're below my standard, crying over you makes me just as pathetic and lowly as you are. I hate knowing I have fallen in love with you, but trust me, I'm able to stop falling further.

I don't want you to touch me, I don't want you to touch the kids, I don't want you to even so much as breathe the same air that the kids and I breathe, you are such a lowly, parasitic, nasty, scum sucking piece of shit, and the fact that I have created children with you makes my skin crawl.

To think that when we first met, and saw something great in your eyes, to have you turn out like this disgusts me. Just knowing I've allowed this to go on for as long as it has makes my skin crawl and my stomach churn.

I'm sick of your abuse, I'm sick of being treated as a second-class citizen in your world, when you shouldn't even be in mine.

I hate myself for allowing my chance at happiness to disappear, all because I couldn't quit loving you, because I believed we still could have been something great. I'm sick of your excuses, and I'm way too old to put up with dating another little boy who can't take responsibility for himself and the way his actions effect other people, especially when said little boy has a family he uses just to keep up appearances.

I'm done living this charade, I'm done playing your games, quite frankly, you can go fuck yourself.

I hate how you say you love me, when you only love yourself. Had I known while you were in prison that you didn't want the family that you've helped create, I would have erased any viable proof of your existence, Nate and I at that point should have gotten as far away from you as we possibly could and never looked back. I should have never told you about Nate, I should have never fallen in love with you, I should have left it at me being a single mom, raising one of the most gorgeous fatherless boys ever created.

I truly hate myself, for everything I've ever done for you, for working so hard on this relationship when you repeatedly show you didn't and still don't want it.