Breanius™

When I say this week's been rough, I don't kid around, last thing I need is my mom's fiance accusing me of using my mom, she's loaned us a lot of money this month, we've said we'll pay her back, and to know that when I asked again yesterday, the desperation of the situation, it hurts to be accused like that.

I've been way over-sleeping lately. I've also been having some incredibly weird dreams.

Today I'm supremely depressed, partly because it's snowy and cold, or it could be because I've realized the futility of my situation, and the rate of how slow it's siphoning my soul.

I'm sick of being unappreciated.

I want him to realize what he's done, and how deeply it's affected me, I want him to own up and claim responsibility of them, it'll never happen though. I mean, he still chooses to chat with all those he has been caught with, as though my feelings are still insignificant.

I'm done with proving to him that I should mean something to him, I shouldn't have had to prove that all along.


Why do I keep fighting for something that my heart no longer wants?

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The wind's been blowing all day, I'm exhausted, and I really haven't done much today. The list of things I have done are as such, in no particular order:

Woke up.
Got Szandor and Nate ready for school.
Got Nate off the bus.
Did a load of laundry.


See, not much, and somehow I'm still flippin' exhausted. My health troubles may be getting worse, or at least I fear they are, and as to not jinx myself, I shall keep my worries quiet for now, until they're substantiated.

I really need some caffeine, so I'm thinking I may make another pot of coffee, and sweeten it with Splenda (it's either that or sugar, and I'm not big on sugar, and I'm all out of Equal), I totally wish this eternal fatigue would just stop.

It's way too early to be awake, unfortunately for me, stress always causes funky sleeping patterns.

I might switch over to Wordpress, only to try it out. Now just to ask whether it'd be cool or not. I'm super hungry, but am tempted to combine lentils and spaghetti sauce, even though it'd result in supreme heartburn. I said previously I'd start a blog to track my goals for this year, I still haven't set that up, I don't know whether it's laziness or procrastination, I just know I haven't yet.

We're now wireless, which from being corded for almost an entire year is a shock. I think I'll set up The Goal Blog now, just out of boredom.

I've been so stressed lately, I feel I need time in a decompression chamber. Tomorrow's Szandor's 6 month review for early intervention services, and since I was informed last month, I've been goin' nuts making sure that everything is ready, the house, Szandor, all I really need is Nate's bus to be on time.

I think at this point in time, I've drank enough coffee to be nicely caffeinated. The house is almost clean, according to Brea-standards, and trust me, those standards are pretty stringent (I mean, you're talkin' to someone who swears by bleach to make sure everything's sanitized, deodorized, and in general awesome-smelling, who adores the smell of cleaning products, and has severe OCD tendencies when it comes to cleaning), I've also found the elusive Missing Sippy Cup, so I feel as though I'm on a roll.

I need to set goals for this year, to make sure I am on track, that my life is heading in a semi-acceptable direction, and that in the end, my life can be something I can be proud of, and I shall make a separate blog to track those goals.

Now, all I'm waiting on is for Nate to get home.